Growing up.

MY BABY BROTHER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!

Wednesday, my 22 year old brother proposed to his girlfirend of 3 years. She obviously said yes. :) This wonderful girl just HAPPENS to be my very best friend in the whole wide world. I couldn't imagine a better pair. I'm so very happy for the both of them. Y

"Best Friends" ....?

I really don't know how to start what's going through my head right now.

I really thought I knew who my friends were. It took me three years to find out that my "best friend" was nothing short of a snake. Here I am sitting up late at night on the phone with her because her boyfriend's being a douche again, talking her through her stress, doing the best I can to be a best friend even though I'm in Texas & she's in New York.. but this is what I get.

I don't want to blame her for "ruining" a perfectly good relationship I once had with a great guy, but I will go as far to say, she might have lit the fire that burned it down.

I won't confront her. It'll put others in the line of fire. Never in a million years would I think that she would do such a thing.

I guess I'm just going to have to learn to not trust people. That will be a hard thing for me. I look for the good in everyone, and I'm too trusting. But being betrayed by one of the few people in this world that you thought you could always count on.. that woke me up to reality. Not everyone is good. Just because you find the good in someone doesn't necessarily mean they're going to act upon it.

My heart is completely heartbroken & for once, it wasn't because of a boy.

Well...

I officially suck at this whole "blogging" thing.

I'm going to go ahead and give it another try.

Not because I think people actually read this,

but to keep my own sanity.

I'm finally in Texas. I've been here for 3 weeks & 2 days. So far, so good. Job interviews are in full swing, & I'm getting school situated. I'm just waiting on my transcripts from my other numerous colleges of attended. Then it's on to the ever stressful registration! Woooo.

Despite the fact that everything's good so far, I've found two negatives to living in Texas:

#1) I miss my friends more than I can possibly express. It's weird being here without them. When something was going wrong, or I was in a funk, I'd just call them up & they'd be there in a heartbeat with some crazy adventure to take my mind off things. Life seemed easier having them around. Now that they're not here, I feel completely alone. I understand that's part of being an adult, & I know they're only a phone call away, but sometimes a girl just needs a hug from her best friend. Even a tomboy like myself.

#2) I miss my yorkie even more than my friends. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but Colt & I had a special bond that people don't have with other people. That's probably because Colt couldn't talk back to tell me what I was saying was stupid or my decisions were irrational. That 4 pound creature is my whole world. I talked to him all the time like he was a human being. When I cried, he ran right to me & licked my face until I stopped. Granted, it was probably because the salt in my tears & not the tears themselves, but it still helped.

In order to try & help me cope with the two negatives I mentioned above, my parents adopted a kitten for me. Her name is Skittles & she is quite easily the 2nd most adorable pet in the world - behind Colt, of course. But, she still doesn't fill the void. Sometimes I find myself more upset, because she reminds me of Colt. She really reminds me of Chelsea all the time. Chelsea's a cat lover. It wouldn't surprise me if she ended up being a crazy cat lady. ;) But then again, it wouldn't surprise me if I end up being a crazy yorkie lady!

Alright. Enough for now, I guess. Let's see if I can actually keep this thing going this time.

Pretender.

I'm done pretending.

Pretending to be happy,

pretending to care,

pretending to not care.

All of it.

I'm me.

Whitney Alayna.

No one else.

Nothing will change me.

I need to put a smile on my face.

A real smile.

For once.

Famous.

The "Famous People I've Met" List...

-Joe Nichols, country singer

-Chris, singer of the band NeverShoutNever!

-Jeremy Depoyster, guitarist of the band The Devil Wears Prada

-Mike Hart, football player (played for Michigan & now Indianapolis Colts)

-Darren McFadden, football player (played for Arkansas & now Oakland Raiders)

-Marshawn Powell, basketball player (currently plays for University of Arkansas)

I can now add another name to the list:

Tony Ugoh... tackle of the Indianapolis Colts. Former Arkansas Razorback.

He came into Buffalo Wild Wings tonight

while I was working

to watch the fights.

Nice guy. :)

He's also huuuuuuge. Hah.

As you can see.

funk.

So for the past few days,

I've avoided this thing.

I didn't want to go on some rant

that didn't make any sense.

I've been in a super funk.

To the point that when I'd wake up,

I'd force myself to go back to sleep.
Not because I was tired,

but because I just didn't want to be awake.

I'm a happy person.

I always have been.

But the past few days,

it's been so hard to even pretend to be happy.

(& I'm usually pretty good at that, too.)

However,

thanks to my wonderful friends,

& a fun new hair color,

I've been pulled out of the funk.

I realized that I have every reason to be happy.

Therefore, I'll be happy from now on.

Honestly.

:)

Oh, here's my new hair! <3

First things first:

I'm sorry.

I'm know you won't see this,

but I had to say it anyways.

I wish I could take it all back.

For the sake of our friendship,

and for the sake of my dignity.

:/

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Secondly,

I love my friends.

We went out to a hunting cabin in Huntsville, AR

for Miss Lindsey's birthday.

Had. So. Much. Fun!

Random romping adventures.

Tequila & chasing it with margarita mix.

Falling asleep by the fire.
Falling in general.

Star-gazing & gravel-laying.

Truck rides.

"Give me a BEEEEEEEEER."

Drink every time you say "tree."

Top bunk madness.

Drunken heart-to-hearts.

Text messages.

Balloon popping.

Calling teachers.

"So did you."

Camouflage.

"Patron, you my nigga."

+ all the other stuff we don't remember.

Ahhh, what a night. :)

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I thought this summer would be non-stop fun.

Definitely not true.

Don't get me wrong - I've had a lot of fun,

but there's quiet days too.

I've come to love those the most.

Days where I can sit by myself,

well.. with my yorkie,

& think about everything.

Sometimes the thinking part hurts,

like today,

but other days it's helpful.

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As lame was "Arkansas" sounds,

& as lame as I make the place sound,

I'm really going to miss it.

Y