Random thoughts for the day.

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I hate change.

I understand that sounds odd,

seeing as how I'm facing a big change in two months.

But I do.

I can't stand it.

Let me explain...

I don't hate physical change or a change in location.

I hate when people change.

You really think you know someone.

Then an outside entity comes into the picture, and everything's completely different.

Maybe they weren't showing me their true selves.

Maybe now is the real person they truly are.

I guess I'll never know.
I'll just have to take everything with a grain of salt.

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I'm ruined.

Weird statement, yes.

But I am.

I've been through some dumb relationships.

Ones that I knew were going to end badly.

But I fell head over heels like always,

and of course,

my heart was broken.

I always got over it and moved on.

My last relationship ended at the end of October 2009.

I'm still feeling the hurt from it.

Not because of him as a person.

I don't miss him, and he isn't the reason I'm ruined.

What he did is why I'm ruined.

I thought I had found someone good for me.
I put my whole heart into the relationship, just like I always do.

We had so much fun together and I was happy.

Then like a light switch, he changed.
Literally, it came out of nowhere.

I didn't understand, and I still don't.

That's why I'm ruined.
The not-knowing.

Of course, I never got an explanation.

Not a truthful one, at least.

Now I'm terrified of putting myself out on a limb again.

I'm afraid of falling.

And hitting rock bottom,

hard.

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I hate storms.

That's the worst thing about spring in the south.

Dark clouds.

Storms.

Tornadoes.

Lightning.

Thunder.

Eeeeek.

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And a random ending to my random thoughts:

a little of a song that's been running through my head today.

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes

Hate in my heart, love in my mind

I see nights full of pain, days of the same

You keep the sunshine, save me the rain

I search but never find, hurt but never cry

I work and forever try, but I'm cursed so never mind

-Drop the World, Lil' Wayne ft. Eminem