Lately.

As I've said before, I'm terrible at keeping up with this.

Let's see... Lately... hmmmm.

I've wrote before how I was "ruined" when it comes to relationships. I figured it would take a guy that could move mountains to make me get over my fear and hurt from my last relationship. Well, I think I found him.

I started working at Buffalo Wild Wings at the end of the September. During my interview, this guy, covered in tattoos & sporting a mohawk, came over to me & started hitting on me. Since that day, he did not give up on getting me to hang out with him It wasn't a creep pursuit by any means. It was kinda nice.

So, finally I decide I'll hang out with him. I laid it all out on the line. Told him I had trust issues, I come with a lot of baggage, I'm stubborn, & I'm quite difficult at times. I told him if he wanted to stick around through that then he's more than welcome to. He did.

He never gave up. He let me make all the decisions and all the moves. He never once told me "I'm different" or "I won't do that to you." He has worked to prove that to me. No one's tried so hard to break through my barriers before.

Cody is amazing. He IS different. I can honestly be myself around him without worrying about him judging me. He's not afraid to hold my hand or put his arm around me in front of his friends. He's just fun to be around.

I'm still terrified to fall, but he makes me honestly happy.

I have began my hunt for an apartment.

I've been staying with my parents, but I'm ready to be gone. I like staying here for numerous reasons. Home-cooked meals, not having a lot of bills, the hot tub! Haha. But it's time for me to get on with my life on my own. Apartment hunting has already proved itself stressful. Clearly just a preview of the stress that is to come. Weeeeeee.

This weekend...

This weekend will absolutely make up for the crappy birthday I had on Wednesday.

Two of my very best friends, Chelsea Camille & Andrea Leigh, will be here TODAY!Y

Tonight, we'll probably just be obnoxious at the house.

Tomorrow, tailgating the ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS vs Texas A&M Aggies football game at Cowboys Stadium! Then who knows - maybe the fair, maybe the zoo!

Sunday, TENNESSEE TITANS vs Dallas Cowboys game! I'm definitely the only one out of the three cheering for the Titans, but it's cool. Chelsea leaves me Sunday to spend time with her grandma, but Andie gets to stay with me. :)

They both leave to go back to Arkansas on Wednesday. :(

I can't wait to see them. Yes, I saw them a few weeks ago when I went home to Arkansas, but I still miss them. My birthday sucked balls, so this will definitely make up for it.

24...

I'm 24 today.
:(
I"m not particularly pumped about it. I remember being a kid and thinking 24 was old. Well, here I sit, a 24 year OLD woman. Ugh. Can I just go back to the days when the only things I had to worry about were if my mom was going to yell at me for getting grass stains on my school jeans or where I was going to sit at lunch? Those days were easier. Less complicated.

I found this quote as I was researching Joyce Carol Oates for my English project. This quote wasn't by her, nor does it have anything to do with her, but I liked it.

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." -Agatha Christie

I'm going to think about this quote every time I get down about something. Life's too short to worry about things. Just to be alive IS a grand thing...
Y

progress report

Man, it's been a while...

again.

But, oh well.

It's going on 3 months since I moved to the Lonestar State. It hasn't exactly been the paradise I had imagined. I got my first job after a month of living here, and I hated it with a such a fiery passion that I can't fully describe it. I often imagined myself falling down stairs and breaking something, for the simple fact that it would keep me from going to work. Finally, after almost a month of working there, I quit. I went a whole weekend without a job.

I got a new job at the Buffalo Wild Wings in Cedar Hill. I told myself when I moved here that I wasn't going to be a waitress again, but boy I missed it. I love being a waitress. It's time to face that fact. So now, I love my job and I'm really liking the people I work with... so far.

Outside of the job situations, I was having a roller coaster ride of emotions. One week, I'd be happy that I was in Texas. Then the next week, I'd be miserable and want to move back to Arkansas. I haven't pinpointed the cause for these ups and downs yet. It could be that I have no one here to talk to or go do things with. I spend my free time at home. It could be that I just simply miss home.

I can promise you part of it is missing my yorkie, my brother, and my best friend. It's weird not being around the three of them. I've gone back to Arkansas to visit twice now, and each time it gets harder to leave. :(

On another depressing note,

my birthday is tomorrow...

It's depressing because I turn 24. Next year, I'll be a quarter of a century old. I'm definitely not okay with that. I'm just going to call tomorrow my 3rd 21st birthday. Works for me.

Good news usually follows bad news...

two of my best friends, Chelsea & Andrea, are coming to visit me this weekend! They will both be here Friday until Monday. Then Chelsea is going to spend time with her grandma and mom while Andrea spends a few extra days with me! :) I'm so excited. Saturday, we're going to tailgate the ARKANSAS vs Texas A&M game at Cowboys Stadium. Then Saturday is the Titans vs Cowboys game! They're both Cowboys fans and I'm a Titans fan.. should be interesting. ;) I'm so so so happy that they'll both be here! <3>

Well, that's it for my progress report.

I'll give this another shot at staying up to date.

It might work this time.

Maybe...

Growing up.

MY BABY BROTHER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!

Wednesday, my 22 year old brother proposed to his girlfirend of 3 years. She obviously said yes. :) This wonderful girl just HAPPENS to be my very best friend in the whole wide world. I couldn't imagine a better pair. I'm so very happy for the both of them. Y

"Best Friends" ....?

I really don't know how to start what's going through my head right now.

I really thought I knew who my friends were. It took me three years to find out that my "best friend" was nothing short of a snake. Here I am sitting up late at night on the phone with her because her boyfriend's being a douche again, talking her through her stress, doing the best I can to be a best friend even though I'm in Texas & she's in New York.. but this is what I get.

I don't want to blame her for "ruining" a perfectly good relationship I once had with a great guy, but I will go as far to say, she might have lit the fire that burned it down.

I won't confront her. It'll put others in the line of fire. Never in a million years would I think that she would do such a thing.

I guess I'm just going to have to learn to not trust people. That will be a hard thing for me. I look for the good in everyone, and I'm too trusting. But being betrayed by one of the few people in this world that you thought you could always count on.. that woke me up to reality. Not everyone is good. Just because you find the good in someone doesn't necessarily mean they're going to act upon it.

My heart is completely heartbroken & for once, it wasn't because of a boy.

Well...

I officially suck at this whole "blogging" thing.

I'm going to go ahead and give it another try.

Not because I think people actually read this,

but to keep my own sanity.

I'm finally in Texas. I've been here for 3 weeks & 2 days. So far, so good. Job interviews are in full swing, & I'm getting school situated. I'm just waiting on my transcripts from my other numerous colleges of attended. Then it's on to the ever stressful registration! Woooo.

Despite the fact that everything's good so far, I've found two negatives to living in Texas:

#1) I miss my friends more than I can possibly express. It's weird being here without them. When something was going wrong, or I was in a funk, I'd just call them up & they'd be there in a heartbeat with some crazy adventure to take my mind off things. Life seemed easier having them around. Now that they're not here, I feel completely alone. I understand that's part of being an adult, & I know they're only a phone call away, but sometimes a girl just needs a hug from her best friend. Even a tomboy like myself.

#2) I miss my yorkie even more than my friends. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but Colt & I had a special bond that people don't have with other people. That's probably because Colt couldn't talk back to tell me what I was saying was stupid or my decisions were irrational. That 4 pound creature is my whole world. I talked to him all the time like he was a human being. When I cried, he ran right to me & licked my face until I stopped. Granted, it was probably because the salt in my tears & not the tears themselves, but it still helped.

In order to try & help me cope with the two negatives I mentioned above, my parents adopted a kitten for me. Her name is Skittles & she is quite easily the 2nd most adorable pet in the world - behind Colt, of course. But, she still doesn't fill the void. Sometimes I find myself more upset, because she reminds me of Colt. She really reminds me of Chelsea all the time. Chelsea's a cat lover. It wouldn't surprise me if she ended up being a crazy cat lady. ;) But then again, it wouldn't surprise me if I end up being a crazy yorkie lady!

Alright. Enough for now, I guess. Let's see if I can actually keep this thing going this time.